Before I knew you

Before I knew you......

Before I knew my son, I thought about what he would look like, how his voice would sound, and if he would love a blanky as much as I did  do.  But I never thought I would meet him so soon; I'm so glad I did. 

Your Creation

I'm not going where you think i'm going - This is a family blog folks.  My intent is to prove to you how much my son was meant to be.  To try to explain to you in words, the feelings I have about his place in my life.  Our life - I don't mean to exclude his father, because I know he feels the exact same way.  

To preface this story, I'd like to share with you my religious beliefs, even if they get me in trouble.  Its important you know where I stand, and that you know Parker and I feel the same way about God and Spirituality. 

I was baptized Catholic and raised 12 years in Catholic school.  My husband was raised agnostic.  Even though I'm "Catholic", I've grown out of the mold, and consider myself a nondenominational believer in the Big Man. I'm not a fan of rules about how, why and when I should practice my faith. To me, I practice my faith all the time.  I pray, internally and quietly.  I thank and I worship in my own way.  My God and the people I associate with do not judge another person if they don't agree with me, if they choose a certain sexuality, if they use birth control or are too busy to attend a service.  My God is always with me, wherever I am.  I am ok if you don't believe the same way I do, or if you believe in an entirely different God, or many Gods - You are not judged in my eyes whatsoever.  I believe in Karma, I believe in the Golden Rule and I believe EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. 

When I met my husband Parker, I was dating someone else.  Before you start judging, you have to listen to the whole story.  It was 3 months into a great thing with the other man, and I went on a girls trip to Hawaii with my mom.  Just the two of us.  It was one of the best vacations of all time, because if you know me, you know my mom is my best friend. 

Mom and I were souvenir shopping and I thought I'd get a little something for "other".  I settled with a Tiki Beer Bottle opener, as the Hula girl bottle opener was deemed "to Girly" by Jane. I gave him the gift as soon as I was home - then...wait for it.... didn't hear from him for over a week.  (To elaborate - we were in the talk-every-day-for-hours-phase...you know the one where you can't possibly talk long enough about the most boring stuff in the world?)   

What kind of guy accepts my kind gesture and then disappears!!  It all made sense after I finally pinned him down and made him talk.  It was the Tiki.  Not the chintzy wood carving or the bottle opener part - it was the tiny folded tag that was taped closed with the price tag.  The one he THOUGHT I saw.  In the little folded tag, a tiny saying was written - one that described the impact of the Tiki to native Hawaiians.   It's the "LOVE TIKI".  It elaborates: "This Tiki will make everyone love you.  It was thought to have been said that those who possessed this Tiki would find a great love.  Those who were already in love, were said to have their bond strengthened. "

Whaaaaat. Um, Awkwwward. 

This conversation was followed up with the typical scared man response - "I think we should see other people.  We can till see each other and hang out - but things might be moving a little to fast for me." *Stomping foot* - "I swear I didn't see that tag.  I promise."

He didn't believe me.  You want to see other people? Lets go for it. 

Fast forward to Parker.  He had reached out to me when I had first started this relationship and I kinda blew him off.  I followed up with him, and we started chatting.  At first just small stuff.  Then I realized, I kinda like this guy.  No, I really like this guy.  We made a date.  The first one was a Toby Keith Concert.  I'll never forget.  We had met online, so we had never seen each other in person.  I called pulling into the lot:

"So where are you, I'm pulling in now"....

With no pause.  No hesitation. "I'm the guy that looks like George Clooney standing next to a red truck".

I followed with - "Ok then, I'll be the girl that looks like Pam Anderson standing by the ticket booth." 

We enjoy the same banter even now - its one of the many reasons I love him so. To say I was smitten is an understatement. I never saw the "other" again.  Not even to say Adios...I was that happy. I still am. After a year of dating we were engaged (at another Toby Keith concert) and a year from that, we were in Las Vegas getting married.  Such an amazing experience.  So. Much. Fun.  

And guess where we Honeymooned???

Good ole' Hawaii - the place that brought us together. 

And guess what I brought back with me??

You may be asking why I'm giving you so much detail.  The reason is - not only did I bring back the Tiki with me (the entire reason I had just married the best man I knew),  I brought back with me the best baby boy I know of to this day.  

I didn't know it at the time (**or at the reception back home when I was downing the blue Hawaiian cocktails), but he was there.  It was true, I did find a great love with the first Tiki I held, and an even greater, different love with the second one I held.  My beautiful son Toby.  9 months after our wedding, we held this boy our arms.  A feeling all new parents know, but none can properly describe. 

I think you have deducted by now, the reason Toby was named Toby; In homage to the singer who helped introduce his parents.  I mean, how cute is that name anyway??  And so fitting for our little man.  There is that word.  Little.  LITTLE.  It takes on a whole new meaning with him.  I'd like to use this blog to share his story and his updates; Get my thoughts off my chest - because we all know parents are their own worst enemy when it comes to being worried, scared, TERRIFIED before they have reason to.  

I'll ask you to give me your feedback.  Your advice.  Your coping mechanisms.  Your prayers. God has answered our prayers in so many ways.  Sometimes, he's given us answers we didn't even realize we wanted or were ready for.  But he knew.  I have all the faith in the world that every question I have will someday be answered.  That my son will continue to be happy and smart and crazy.  And I'm so looking forward to sharing more with you, because I can't brag enough about him. 

This post has gotten long, but I think you have enough of an idea to know now how meant to be T was in our lives.  I'm quite certain out of all of the karmic coincidences and journey's we've experienced so far, we haven't even begun to see what God has in store for us.  

Thank you for listening.  

Lindsey